They Say Fear is a Man's Best Friend

Master Yoda says that fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering, and that is the path of the darkside. Who suffers in that scenario? ¡ used to think of violence as being the inevitable outcome in Yoda’s cycle. I’m talking about violence in the physical, bloody knuckles and black eye sense. This always seemed to indicate to me that the suffering was that of a person at the hands of one who hates them. Now ¡ see that someone’s fear leads to their own suffering, which may affect others, but only if the others are afraid. That is the true root of harmful suffering, not violence or pain.
People ask me if ¡ believe in violence. How can you not? It surrounds most of us through most days of our lives. But ¡ do not think that violence is as harmful to a person as fear. What ¡ mean when ¡ talk about something being harmful is something that keeps us from living well, from growing, learning, gaining character, becoming passionate and compassionate, helping others, being free, enjoying life. A black eye has never stopped me from enjoying life, in fact a black eye often provides a person with an exciting story, a reason for someone to buy them a drink, a reason for someone to give you a hug or a kiss. It can also be a way of understanding some part of the pain and suffering of others so that you might be more compassionate toward them in the future. Your body might be broken, but your spirit flourishes.
¡ want to draw a distinction between physical pain, emotional (mental, spiritual) suffering, and harm. Pain can be harmful, when it limits us through fear. These are the people with whom we should empathize. They are people who are restricted in their ability to live to their fullest capacity because of the harm caused by suffering, though not necessarily by pain. ¡ think suffering caused by fear, that is fear of pain or loss, is ultimately more harmful than any physical harm. Physical harm would be having something physically restrict one’s freedom. But, this does not need to lead to suffering and fear. Therefore it does not restrict one’s life. Take for example the players of Quad-rugby, also known as Murderball. www.murderballmovie.com
Fear which causes suffering can be brought about for many reasons. Usually it has to do with what the Buddhists in the audience will call attachment. We’re attached to material wealth, we’re attached to physical comfort, we’re attached to a tenuous sense of security. When these things are threatened we become afraid. We become angry. We become hateful. We suffer. We cause others to suffer sometimes by attacking people physically or sensationalizing the fear inducing events, trying to make others afraid as well. Attachment, the fear it breeds, and the problems it yields are well described by an artilleryman in H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds. This man has plans to hide from the martians, to slip between the cracks of martian society on earth where humans will be bred for food. Hang on, the quote is long, but good. He describes the other humans thus:
“...All these— the sort that live in these houses, and all those damn little clerks that used to live down that way— they’d be no good. They haven’t any spirit in them— no proud dreams and no proud lusts; and a man who hasn’t one or the other— Lord! What is he but funk and precautions? They just used to skedaddle off to work— I’ve seen hundreds of ‘em, bit of breakfast in hand, running wild and shining to catch their little season-ticket train for fear they’d get dismissed if they didn’t, working at businesses they were afraid to take the trouble to understand, skedaddling back for fear they wouldn’t be in time for dinner, keeping in doors after dinner for fear of the back streets, and sleeping with the wives they married, not because they wanted them but because they had a bit of money that would make for safety in their one little miserable skedaddle through the world. Lives insured and a bit invested for fear of accidents. And on Sundays—fear of the hereafter. As if hell was built for rabbits!
‘Well the Martians will just be a godsend to these. Nice roomy cages, fattening food, careful breeding, no worry...They’ll wonder what people did before there were Martians to take care of them.” Wells, H.G. The War of the Worlds. Platt & Munk, New York: 1963. p.208-9

I’ll tell you what they did before the Martians came to take care of them (and eat them) they put put themselves in little golden cages. Fear of the world keeps many people from being able to be a part of everything that goes on around them. It is my belief that separation from things is hell, sin, or death. Connection is life and love and it cannot be acheived from inside of one’s cage. We can connect with other people in all of the dimensions of ourselves. In the fullness of our being. ¡ like to think of the aspects of the person as body, emotion, mind, and spirit. Understanding is connection and that is why empathy and compassion are important and why understanding pain is a way of finding love. We can connect with people by hugging them or by hitting them as long as we are not afraid of them and we are not trying to make them afraid of us. In this way we can all grow through our relationships and live our lives more fully.
¡ do not think that fighting is inherently bad because of the physical pain that it causes in another person, but because of the fear, anger, hate and suffering involved for each person. ¡ believe in violence without suffering because ¡ believe we can free ourselves from our fear. In the book A Clash of Kings, by George R.R. Martin, a character states that once an enemy is defeated a person should not kill them but release them. This is the only way to show that you are not afraid of your opponent. Of course she does cut off their ears, but she does this so that her fallen opponents might try to win them back. It is to encourage them to live boldly and confidently, without fear of defeat.
Another character in the same conversation claims that he is terrified of all of his enemies and therefore seeks to kill them quickly. In truth we are all afraid, but how we react to that fear is what limits our freedom. We all have to deal with the existential problems of pain and ultimate death, but we do not have to attack others because of that fear. GRRM also says, this time in his book A Game of Thrones, only when we are afraid is it possible to be brave. ¡ do not see bravery as denying fear (that might be foolishness, the cousin of fear) but as facing fear and not allowing ourselves to react to it by becoming angry and hateful and therefore suffering amd causing harm to others. Death is the ultimate harm. The first character is not afraid, and may fight because of it, she does not limit other people’s lives. The second, overcome by fear, copes with it poorly through his desire to kill others. The second destroys lives while the first, though she may be fighting and causing pain, is in some sense nurturing her opponents.
¡ see nurturing relationships even among two people who are fighting physically. To fight someone you do not have to hate them, to hug someone you do not have to love them. There are more layers at work in the human person than are reflected in the actions of our bodies. A black eye is not always filled with tears and tears are not always filled with anger or sadness. If ¡ fight, win or lose, there are lessons to be learned. We can grow beyond the fight. After the few fights ¡’ve been in, ¡’ve gotten up smiling. One problem ¡ see in much of this is that of pride. The artilleryman is championing proud men with proud dreams, but ¡ think that this can become problematic in the nuturing model of fighting, one that is free from fear.
Pride is happiness in victory, it is self-centered, it is threatening to the defeated opponent and others, and therefore produces more fear. One’s own fear is bolstered because one who is voctorious and is attached to those emotions will become deeply afraid of losing. They therefore try to intimidate their opponents and make them afraid, which is more harmful than the fight itself. ¡ believe that the defeated opponent is the one who should be proud if they have faced their pain and fear and smiled through it. The victor should be humbled because they should never assume that the next battle will be easy, they should always reach out to lift up the opponent they have thrown down. In this they demonstrate their lack of fear. In this they offer the opponent a second chance, for another fight or for a new friendship. The fallen foe can always be raised to be a new comrade if the victor can defeat his fear, and not pass it on to the other. Mutual respect, as opposed to simple hatred, must therefore be cultivated in conflict.
The real harm that is done by fear is not phyiscal pain, but a restriction of freedom. Fear caused by attachment causes suffering and is more detrimental to one’s ability to live well — by which ¡ mean in compassionate relationship with everyone else— than physical harm . Reaching out and understanding others, really connecting with them, even if it is through a fight (or perhaps especially) is an opportunity to grow in your level of compassion. Extreme belief in physical peace does not acknowledge the many levels of the human being and the more extreme effects of emotional suffering caused by fear. People who believe in peace are afraid of pain in the sense that they believe everyone should avoid it. But, without understanding and connecting with pain we cannot grow into true compassion. Therefore release your attachment and your fear. Reach out to the world by facing that which you fear. Those things are the things that we need to do, not the things that are easy or comfortable for us. Now, what do you think about all of that?
Cheers,
Mac the Badger